Music keeps me sane in the membrane

OH yes it does let me tell you. Being able to sing along and hum to my favorite kind of music (which happens to be a lot of different kinds of music) keeps me from (and I quote 90% of the time) throwing my computer out of the window or setting it on fire and adding chlorox to it-whether I am in the research lab, at the job, at the crib, or anywhere I am required to be around a computer to get work done (which feels like damn near all the time). So since I started working last week, my mini music collection (no where near the one I used to have) kept the time from stopping. But I do plan on starting to spend more time out on the floor though just to learn stuff and exercise ( but I save that for another day). Today was Marvin Gaye that kept me from screaming out physically when my documents I had been working on kept consistently crashing on me. Oh yes, no musician can be in a good mood in an instant (more instant than making ramen noodles) than Marvin can. 22 hours of the day could have been craptacular raised to the infinity power, but I put his music on, and its like the pain from the booboo on my knee melts away. And even when its not Marvin or anyone on my windows playlist or car CD list, I get a kick of listening to Pandora or any type of online music stations that lets you pick the music you like. 98% of the time I avoid commercial radio unless I am listening to NPR or ESPN sports or something. Commercial radio, just like the music industry of today, is full of this cacophony that I promise is causing the liquid in my ear to harden and shatter into a thousand pieces. Just plain terrible. I feel so sorry for the generation after me (i.e. read 90s and millennium kiddies) that think these current crop of “artists” are the best musicians in the business today and (gasps even ever). The tragedy. If there is one entity that needs to have acceleration to their ultimate demise, the music industry is ranked up there (up there with journalists of today, all politicians, and certain financial companies). I ked ked ked, naw not really, not at all…hehe…well my lunch hour is coming to a close, just as my blogging ways that I have been doing should too, and if I happen to be stuck at the computer for the afternoon for some reason, I think I will kick things off with the Temptations. Not bad eh? It would be Tears for Fears, but only if I can figure out to get access to Pandora while I am here.

Long time No Hear

Yeah I realized my last entry was in April, and I had been doing well up to that point of getting in like 15 entries or so a month giving my schedule. But then that weekend of Easter I got this first homework assignment finally back which I suspected I did not do so well in and it may made me a bit reticent of starting the second part of the related homework. I was fully correct when I did receive it, but the fact that I had to start over the 1st homework assignment was pretty devastating to me. But I knuckled down and got to it, even though I had to cancel my Easter plans that I planned on 2 weeks ahead and I had to put everything on hold, including my spring break just to get those 2 assignments done. And of course by me putting everything on hold, I also ended up getting behind the equivalent of years in my other classes. This caused me to basically vacate any form of sleep, food, exercise, relaxation, combing thy hair, and any other everyday normal activities that I probably needed to continue to do for the next month and half or so. And even though I did this I have to say I am grateful because I passed all my classes pretty darn well. I guess all that sacrifice of living and substituting for a ghost really did paid off. But the only thing about that is, then I had to hurry up and turn around and get ready for my internship that I have up in the northeast. And so that brought in for May the non-stop driving escapades. Being cheap, time-strapped and partially lazy, I forgo actually trying to get a plane ticket back to Texas and instead chose to drive it, because I knew it would be cheaper and I figured if I could drive 19 hours straight to come home for Christmas I could certainly do it again. And again I did. So drove home back to Texas, this time it took 20 hours, (I was a bit tired than I thought I was this time around). Before I left, I had (and I thought at the time, packed about 60% of my dorm apartment). Got back to Texas, drove around like crazy for a week and a half seeing old friends, family, associates, and wannabes, and then when it felt like I really didn’t want to leave Texas, I had to turn around, drive back to North Carolina, pack the rest of my stuff to the roof of the car, drove to D.C., then picked up a friend at Baltimore who helped me drive the rest of the way all the way up to Connecticut. Got lost before we eventually found the apartment, and all of this in a 3 day span over Memorial Day Weekend. I never thought I would hate driving but I do now-terribly. And add on to that I have to drive approximately 20 miles or so to and from work everyday, yeah, makes me a grumpy pal. So yeah I am now up in the northeast for a summer internship and just going eh about it so far. I think part of it is I am really really tired and a see-saw full of motivation, apathy, and just downright blahness. Combined all this with the fact that I am blogging now even though I am work, but it seems the only thing I can do without causing my work computer to crash. Yeah my work computer hates me, I thinks it out to personally sabotage me after my private and not so private conversations about how computers are evil and are out to destroy the world. Go figure.

Today's Reflection

Today’s Date: March 20, 2009 (Scorpio)

Today you’re concerned with a stable future. Your thoughts turn toward upgrading your house or car, or moving up a rung on your career ladder. It’s a great day for making plans related to these areas, because you’re practical yet ambitious. You’ll aim high, but not so high that, but not so high that you set unattainable goals. This balanced view of your life and abilities really helps in moving onward and upward.

Rating: 4 stars out of 5
Keywords: down-to-earth, controlled
Mood: privileged
So what got me reflecting, is I saw my daily horoscope on my t-zones phone and it caught my attention because kita bita was telling me that I really need to figure out what I do with my life right now, particularly after being mesmerized by listening and seeing live in the flesh political strategist Donna Brazille last night. It was cool and I really felt that my calling right now was not being in graduate school doing what I am doing. Don’t get me wrong, I love engineering, but I feel everyday that I am being pulled from that and more towards the things I actually enjoy doing-writing, politics, international affairs, and other stuff. (actual quote: but listening and seeing Donna Brazille in the flesh was so cool last night one of the best things I have seen in awhile makes me feel as if I am being pulled away from doing engineering stuff and going into politics and international affairs and stuff. And that I need to find a way/career that combines politics and environmental engineering). And that is what got me redoing my goals list. I write out goals that I want to accomplish, because there was a point that I did not think I was going to get there after my uncle died. I was lost, walking in a sticky and translucent cocoon for practically a year. So needless to say, I have made it a point to make some short, mid, and long-term goals and revise them as necessary. At this point, I feel I have been going to school forever, and there are days in which my brain just feels so drained and vapid. 5 years undergrad, 2 years for a master’s right now. I think after I receive this master’s, I am going to take a break and go find myself again momentarily. I always wanted to teach in some capacity, run a mentor/mentee program and also set up engineering and science camps for kids all ages to get them interested in the STEM fields. That is my long term goal that I want to accomplish. Everything else in between now and my long term goal is up for grabs. I have a friend who asked me to read through and edit her essay she was doing so she could join the peace corp. this has been weighing on my mind lately for me to commit to some stateside or international service for at least several years. I have been looking into working for the government but I am now starting to think about non-profit organizations, especially those related to education. Because if people have not realized, education is where it it has to start for so many young people, middle age and seniors. At the rate things are going, no matter your age, people are going back to school to learn new trades and skills because of the evaporation of many different jobs in the usual and dependable job sectors (i.e. retail, manufacturing, construction). My ultimate goal is to get my PhD, but I think that my time to pursue it is not now. I used to think when I was younger that the only important thing for me to do was to study all the time, in all subjects. Now don't get me wrong, I still care for scholarly subjects, but I just don't like at times being pigeonholed to always focus on one thing and one thing only because I just refuse to hold attention and be warped and tunneled visioned in one thing. (Even though I am stubborn by nature). So I have been looking, slowly but surely mind you, incorporating ways to combine my knowledge of engineering, passion for environmental issues, thirst for political scrapping and commentary, helping others, traveling and seeing the world and being exposed to many cultures in all just one fell swoop. Whooo, I know I just expended alot of energy for all those passions to integrate (and do not believe for once that is just an exhaustive list I have provided). And that is all I can do, because according to my horoscope for today, I aim high, but I am also practical and realistic. So my journey to figure out what randomness I will get into in the near future (particularly after I finish up my master's) I believe will be the biggest challenge and a test to see how I have to live life these past 5 years will get me through for the rest of my life. Stay tuned!

This Whole studying thing

So as another weekend comes and goes, i find myself not studying as usual, which normally wouldn't be any reason to ring the alarms, but i just happen to be in graduate school. I managed to survive my first semester last semester and I thought I was going to stress myself right out. So this semester I DECIDED to do things my way, which is the only way that keep same in the membrane. This includes working out ridiculously at set times during the day. I felt as if I had no energy whatsoever to get through the day. I felt like blah every day I had to wake up and goto classes or go into the lab or anything of that nature. So I had to get through my stubborn mind that I can't be any good if I am always feeling drained and depressed and desolate. Next step, get out more, even if it means I have to goto events/places/locales by myself-especially if those locales were meant to be done with friends. I am going to try to smile more and come off more approachable, I have been told that the impression people have of me when they first meet me is one of being a diabolical "insert expression for female dog". Now I find this quite laughable because I am the opposite of what people's first impressions are of me. What can I say? I guess it means that people prescribe to reading the picture illustrated on the front of the book instead of trying to read the words on the front cover of the book, let alone whats contained inside the book.

I guess the point of all that before the slightest of divergence was that overall I learned during my first semester of graduate school I went about everything the wrong way. Instead of trying to adapt to people that are not like, I should have been doing everything I can to get people to adapt to me. I am not like most people, I knew this since I was about 4 years old. So I will study more this semester, but much more effectively and at much of a satisfied position than before. I will be more social than I was before, even it means I have to hang with undergraduates at the school I goto and with different people at different schools within a 50 mile radius (there is a lot of colleges and universities in the area, let alone in this state). Hey I know I am unique and I have my quirks and whims that does not prescribe to anything mainstream, and I will not waste my time around people or entities who only see people in a box.