Valentine’s Day-the 09 story (part 1)

So its technically early Saturday morning out here on the east coast, and I am sipping on my favorite alcoholic drink (cranberry juice and vodka), listening to the The Brothers Johnson and Strawberry Letter 23 (they don’t make music like this anymore, sadly). And of course today is Valentine’s Day; with my given track record when it comes to relationships, its easy to see why I think Valentine’s Day is just plain evil. But enough of that, I came to the realization when I went home for Christmas break that I have no game whatsoever, which I guess is somewhat normal for a female not to have a game whatsoever. But it got me thinking why have been so habitually single? Now don’t get me wrong, for the most part, (I say 85% of the time) I enjoy the freedom I have to roam wherever I like, whenever I like and however I like. There is never any need for me to commit to another human being, (i.e. a Man) because I have gotten so use to be single. But there are times where I have these thoughts that creep up slowly behind me and question my extended single status. To get all technical and stuff, I have never had a real boyfriend. Never have been in a real relationship nor engage in all the warm cuddly relationship type stuff. Perhaps my philosophy when it comes to the opposite sex is different than most: I rather become good friends with a guy, he gets to know me and all my quirks and eccentrics and I get to know him for who he really is (which I found most guys don’t do for some reason). This is one of the reasons why I have so many guy friends in the most place. I grew up as a tomboy, never had a motherly type figure in my life for the longest, so I didn’t get the memo of how to talk to boys, that you was suppose to start shaving your legs at a certain point, and that wearing flannel shirts just wasn’t fashionable. But needless to say, I grew up being me and me only.
Where am I going with this? Hell if I know. But I do know that I used to get rejected all the time from guys. After awhile I began to think there was something was wrong with me. I was never skinny, I wore glasses, I am pretty much a nerd, I had 0 fashion sense and everything else. Then sophomore year, this guy had to put in some real serious work before I agreed to be his girlfriend. Only reason I agreed because he was the first guy in high school to ever show me any kind of attention. But we were only an “item” for a week. I guess when you worked that hard to get the girl she’s just another conquest. And since then, no guy has showed me that kind of attention or to ever make me feel special. So for the longest, I would wear this brave face (or mask) that never let on how much I wanted to get in on the trials and tribulations of romance, first love and teenage-dum. And after awhile, I began to learn how to accept that perhaps there was no such thing as love at first sight and finding a guy who likes me for me. And now that I am approaching 25 this year, I feel now that yeah I wish I had a boyfriend, or even a boy toy from time to time, that I should really begin to accept that it wasn’t meant for me to fall or to ever be in love. Oh well. I guess I just need to focus on making the world a better place somehow.