I think part of the reason why I have learned to become strong and to get used to being independent when it comes to romancing and palling around with the opposite sex is my track record of rejection. Oh yes, I have lost count, but I suspect from about 1st grade to now, I must have been rejected by like at least 15 guys (and I believe this number is pretty darn conservative too). Not being schooled to reading signs and spitting game, my approach to dudes (up until the first couple of years of college give or take) was after getting to know the guy, and if I decided I like him, I would eventually tell him that I liked him, straight up with no strings pulled or attached. After I told the guy how I felt about him, the usual responses I would get would be a: physical facial feature of disgust; b: silence; c: utter and shockingly surprise. Believe me, I know how to catch people off guard. So after senior year of high school (and literally the day of graduation) I decided that my frank approach was not of wise making. So I decided to never tell a guy I liked him unless he asked me first. So this one guy I liked my freshmen year for some reason seemed to be afraid of me (sure I would check him out often in the couple of classes we were in I tell ya) and I think my homegirls told him for me that I liked him, needless to say for the rest of the year he avoided me like I had the bubonic plague (kinda hilarious when I think about it). This other cat I liked a lot in college after home dude was at my undergrad. I never told him but he claimed that he always knew that I liked him. I guess you can say we have had an up and down friendship. (that’s another blog for another day, damn). And then my final major guy I am actually still really close to this day. When he proceeded to reject me, I expected him to the following facial expressions as I mentioned previously but he didn’t. he just said that he cared for me as a friend and only that, and that he wanted to continue to be my friend. I was shocked; I figured there must have been catch. But needless to say, there wasn’t, even though it took me a long time to get over him and just have feelings for him as a friend. Whenever I would spend time with him, I felt tortured at times because we would do all this stuff together as if we were a couple but we weren’t. but over time, I got over him and I am glad for it because he has been there for all the up and downs I have had since I have been in college (and believe me I had a lot of terrible downs and eventual and hopeful ups) and I don’t think without him being there for me, I may not have gotten to where I am at today. At this point, I feel that if I had to just settle for a guy, I would have to settle for him just because he is the only man who really knows how I think how I tick what makes me happy, what pisses me off and can actually put with me. Go figure.
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