Who I am? (to be continued and just plain randomness)

Liquid golden dynamite, so cooler and lighter than the lightest flyest pillow. I walk around with this constant mask because I learned its better to be stoic than show your actual poker face. Seem to be evolving lately, and I used to think that wasn’t humanly possible. A bit antisocial but can be social when placed in settings of people more antisocial and negative than me (and that’s a lot). Lover of all things, and a certified nerd I like to think but not such that I am not cognizant of other issues and topics. I like to do my own thing at my own pace at my rate. I get antsy when I have to twiddle my fingers longer than 15 minutes during the day. I get agitated easier of people very disorganized and spread too thin. Some people can be great multi-taskers but its not meant for everyone, and when I am stuck with that person, I am totally annoyed from point on forward. By the way, I love to multi-task and I am damn good at it when I am focused to do so. Well that’s all for now, I will add more of the evolution of me as I go.

Just one more note

Ok, so just one more note, brief(and that doesn't happen often) about the events in the news that have transpired the past week. What's really going on? People are just going off their knockers for all kinds of dumbness and nonsense (and when I say dumbness and nonsense, yeah I am talking about tea parties. Oh yes, I am. Because when I see and hear the people who are on the tea "brewhaha" brouhaha, it seems I find more underlying and subtle (and at times not so subtle messages) in their tea talk instead of a single and solid message for the purpose of their protest and disgust. I heard more of everything (in people's messages, tones, eggings) that of which was nothing related to taxing but their "true" feelings. I mean, tell me how you really feel next time ya dig? Reading between the lines was so obvious that the pollen floating and flying in the wind could see it (and I think I am insulting the pollen while I am it).

April Showers, Fools and I.D. Card part 2...

Picking up from part 1, so I am at the library, all the way on the top freaking floor going on a book safari for these books I needed for my research paper. I had a few of those back and forward moments looking for all the books because I didn't realize that the different call numbers on these books were all located on the same floor. So after obtaining all the books I needed, I proceeded to hop on back to the elevator, with books in one hand, backpack on thy shoulders and my student I.D. card in my other hand, ready to head to the circulation desk to checkout my latest books I found. While I was on the elevator heading down, I realized that the ride down was smooth (no one got on or off, no random elevator noises). So because of this smoothness, I started singing in the elevator (mind you it was just me), I believe I was singing “Here with Me” by Dido because that is one of my favorite songs to listen and sing to. So as the elevator stops on the 1st floor, I collect myself, and proceeded to get off the elevator. Some reason, I had to look out the elevator with caution, and as soon as I felt that all systems were a-go, I started to walk out of the elevator. But apparently the elevator either thought I was being too cautious getting off of it or it was in a bad mood or that the elevator doors just felt like hitting me. So yeah, the elevator door hits my left hand, which happen to hold my i.d. card, and next thing I knew, my i.d. card was out of my hands, apparently when the card fell, it fell in the gap in which the elevator door opens and closes along, and I could hear my i.d. card as it went down, echoing down the elevator shaft, singing to me (and I kid you not) "Bye, Bye, Bye" by N-Sync. I had this utter look of surprise, what the fuck and shitting bricks occurring all simultaneously. I could not believe what just happened with the elevator and what did to me and my student i.d. card. Realizing now that Houston we may have a problem, I had to go up to the circulation desk (Because that was the only way I was going to be able to check out these books)and ask for help. So I told the lady at the circulation desk what happened and she grabbed some keys and went to head to the basement to see if she could my i.d. card. So as she was gone, my mind was temporarily blank, to put it nicely. When she came back, she told me that the card probably ended up on the sub-sub-sub basement in the building and that they had no way of getting to it. (I was like shit). So she told me I am probably going to need to get an I.D. card, but that I could check out the library books by just showing another picture i.d. Well, because of my paranoia of losing my license/wallet really, I didn't have it on me, so I had to trek 2 buses back to my apartment to get my driver's license and trek another buses back to the library. I was able to get my library books, but in the midst of me getting back and forward, I realized that the building where my office is at automatically after 7pm (and it was already past 7pm) and that I needed card access to get to the floor my office is on. So I was like dammit, so first I had to trek back to my apartment and eat because my body was telling me that you might want to eat again, it’s been 12 hours already. After I ate, I was debating whether to take a chance to trek to my office, pray that the security guard was actually on duty, and use my infectious smile in hopes they would let me in. But in the long run, I decided to stay at the crib, read the books I had checked out for my research and jot some notes. But unfortunately, about 20 minutes later, I was knocked out on the couch, asleep. I had to go on ahead and call it a night at 10:30pm last night. But at least I woke up at 6am this morning to get the day going by getting my i.d. card replaced. (which is another side funny story in itself that I will save for a little later)

April Showers, Fools, and blasted I.D. Card-part 1

I had one of those "Ain't that a b^&%*" moments yesterday afternoon and through the evening. So the day got kicked off by me debating should I goto the weekly seminar series hosted by my department or go meet with the fellowship representative who happen to be on campus on yesterday over at the graduate center. Even though I actually wanted to go see this particular environmental law professor speak, I knew I had to go meet the representative from my fellowship consortium, cause you know, they are paying my way to be here (i.e. THEY ARE THE ONLY REASON WHY I EVEN HAVE FUNDING FOR GRADUATE SCHOOL!). SO I went, and she was there, along with the diversity coordinator for the graduate school and the student affairs rep. So essentially, the conversation was initially about protocol, paperwork, tuition and stipend being paid and so forth. And for some reason, I felt I had to give the people there a "Let me tell how I really feel" dialogue. I don't know what possessed me, but it seemed as if something in my mind was telling me its time to open up and express how I have felt thus far at this institution during my first year of grad school. And I tell you, I didn't realize how easy it would be for me to open up about my frustrations and growing sense (at times) of apathy for the institution, the department, and my program in general. Everyone seem to have this look upon their faces of wow, I did not know that was how you really felt. Now the diversity coordinator, I had talked to him on several occasions of certain incidents that occurred and he offered me advice. I hadn't told him of all the "wonderful" events that happened to me this semester. Needless to say, they were telling me that I should not feel apathetic, I should be receiving better mentoring from my adviser, that I should probably have some kind of definitive research topic by now and other things I brought up. Long story short, I have felt so much better, so much opened, so much, like my old me, that I had repressed in some way since I have been here.

It felt gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!!!! Anyway, so after that meeting, I headed to my research lab, and proceeded to get to work on this research paper for one of my classes that I got to get done. Then when it got closer to 5pm, I headed off to the soccer fields because I had an intramural softball game. Of course for a second Wednesday in a roll, the weather was just downright dreary and wicked with light sprinkles of raindrops. I was not totally a happy camper because I just washed my hair the night before and usually am not a big fan of getting wet because normally I get sick afterward. So I get to the softball fields, started throwing around with one of my teammates, ready to play,when we found out that we didn't have a game because one of the teams had been consistently forfeiting. So we ended up scrimmaging with each other, and I had a great time because I was catching pop-ups, and fielding good and throwing even relatively well. I miss playing softball, a lot. So after the scrimmaging and someone helping me get my softball back after it was hit into the construction site next to the fields, I proceeded to head to the main library on campus to check out books for my research paper. And let the adventure begin...

Wednesday Diatribes of Randomness, 3.0:

Who knew socks could leave such indentations in your skin? Perhaps I need to investigate these socks for post-skin traumatic syndrome because of the markings and patterns embedded in my leg is ridiculous. What kind of socks are these you ask? I don’t know, I happen to find them in my miscellaneous clothing pile that I haven’t exactly went through to see if I still desired after I graduated last May, said f* off to friends and family and hightailed it to North Carolina mightily quickly (with the haste, with the haste). Plus, I ran out of socks today, and because I also was running out of cleans bras (it’s hard when you have limited bras but big boobs), I forced myself to wake up at 7:00am to go wash at the dorm laundry room. I have to admit, it was mighty quiet and there were actually washers and dryers available. Go figure! On another side note, I ran out of water in my 1 liter water I had been chugging on lately and decided to break down and return to drinking the water from the school fountain. Now normally I have no problems with this, but earlier this month, they sent out a notice to the school e-mail basically saying that the local drinking treatment plant in the town was switching the disinfection processes used (with chloramines I believe) to using straight up chlorine for reasons about meeting certain drinking water standards and stuff.. and believe me, since this is the first time for me to use the drinking fountain since the switch, you can taste that wonderful chlorine after-taste (tastes like vodka, not really, disregard the taste like vodka, I might be drinking vodka when I go home to disinfect the chlorine taste in my mouth though). But hey, water is water (until I come down with something but I digress) and cannot complain because for the most part the water is relatively ok to drink. Besides, I am trying to cut down on the real money guzzler habit of buying water bottles. Now that’s a waste of money if there ever was one. At least I try to buy cheap store brand water every time to get by.
There is a fridge in my research lab office that I believe the lab manager turned off or it stopped working or something last semester. Now I haven’t opened it this semester, but the last time I opened it, I think rainbow colored mold and bacteria had began to manifest itself because of certain leftovers and leaked water still present. Of course if I want to do a random experiment before May to test to see what random spontaneous combustible situations could occur between the opened and at this point repugnant refrigerator and common chemicals and gases that are always present in the lab. Now that’s research I could get behind 110%. Hey at least that would be more research I would have conducted in that 1 hour experiment than what I have done since I have been here (and that has been last August, and yet I am due to be out here next May with intentions of defending next semester-go figure).
Today, one of my classmate’s in one of my classes made a continuing effort to talk to me and get a feel about how I really feel about being at this school. And I have to say, she has been the first student (in the actual classes that I take) who has made the effort to try to get to know me since I have been here. Wow, amazing (Note: I have met people and gotten to know people a lot more this semester than what I did last semester. The only thing is they are not in my department let alone in the school that my department is apart of). Man I miss the concept of being at a school that is hardcore engineering. I never thought I would miss it so. I guess the old adage you never know what you got until it’s gone is in some sense reversibly so true. Go figure.
I am on another news (in all its forms) strike this week. After Sunday into Monday, I really wasn’t looking forward to attempt number (I start to lose count here) of proposals by treasurer secretaries/economic “supposed” gurus about trying to dissolve toxic assets. I also was not looking forward to lack of journalism/real news reporting on the so called network news channels that claim to give you accurate or fair or balanced or whatever euphemisms they call it for highly opinionated shitty ass lack of research/depth that they try to pass as journalism nowadays. Damn, perhaps I should have been a journalist after all. I actually like to do research and go into the field. Must be weird as a 24 year old to itch for research as I do (but I wander off this paved rant that I am on).
For some reason, even though T-mobile has made its present felt finally in North Carolina, ( I moved out here when there was no such thing as T-mobile and dropped calls was the norm all summer) but apparently North Carolina is still allergic to T-mobile. ( I say this as I am trying to send a text to my favorite homegirl and even though I have 6 bars (highest number of bars on my phone) I can’t get even get the phone to send back out a text message.) Now I have been patient while T-mobile tries to set up shop here but I figured after at least 8 months that the signaling might be a wee bit better. Apparently not-this month I have to deal with more than usual dropped calls, no bars in the middle of conversation and the subsequent 5 minute hello, hello, hello, chants, and issues sending off text messages. (Note: text messages are my clutch, my go to, my bench player that I need to give me some instant offense since I have limited amount of minutes for the remaining of my cycle due to circumstances that was half-heartedly out of my control so that way I am still able to communicate with people). But I am off my wagon again-dangit. Ok so yeah and of course one may ask me why I am still with T-mobile. Well at the time I signed the renewal contract it was about 2 months before graduation, before I really knew what I would be doing or even where I might be going to grad school at, so now I am in an unfortunate committed relationship and I am stuck in it for another year. (Please let this year go by, fast, but productively fast though).
Well that’s enough for Wednesday diatribes for today. Break time is over me, and I am going back to barbecuing my soul, I mean studying for a midterm I have tomorrow that I really don’t know if I could be ready for. Awww, good times I tell ya, good times!
P.S. I have realized since I have given my creative and artsy side of randomness to all things technical for the last 5 years or so, my ability to write with basic verb-agreement has went out the window. Hopefully by me getting retrained in the art of writing for flow and creativity instead of prospectus reports, I will regain and relearn the subtle and intricate delicacies of the written word-Word.

The Clumsy Monster

So for some apparent reason, ever since I have been a little girl, I always, always, always at least once a day, manage to spill something on my shirt, sweatshirt, dress, blouse or something similar. I have even found ways to have food, drink, oil spills land on my pants, shoes and socks (don’t even ask how on the socks). I used to think I was just sloppy because that was my uncle was said I was being. But after a while I grew up, but the mishaps of spills upon my clothing did not go away. So it got me thinking, perhaps, just perhaps I am very clumsy. Me being clumsy-is a very shocking revelation for me, why? I always tried to do everything I cannot be clumsy, but do I succeed, usually only about 75% of the time. Every once in a while, I have my moments where I cannot grip a drinking cup correctly, carry only one thing in my hand, hold books whatsoever, drop my eating forks every single time and so and so forth.
And somehow clumsiness seems to follow me. For instance, this past Friday I was at Krogers looking for harcissa paste for this dish I was preparing and I ended up on the aisle with the spaghetti sauces pre-made and this woman next to me picks up like a couple of big jars of Ragu sauce. Then she proceeds to head down the aisle towards the checkout area of the store. Cool right? I turn back to looking at the items and not even 10 seconds later; I hear this loud crash of glass just shattering all over the place. I look back left, the woman has this utter look of disbelief on her face, I was thinking awww, until I looked down at my shoes and realized there was spaghetti sauce all over my left shoe. Its almost as if my shoe was shot with a bullet. Jeesh. She did apologize profusely and I was like that’s ok, don’t worry about it, but dang, even my shoes couldn’t run for cover.
So I figure the only way for me to avoid such things is to have a talk with myself everyday to control this undesirable condition, to wake up every morning and pray that I don’t waste anything, and finally start wearing fashionable bibs or somehow embroider these bibs into my shirts to create a whole new fashion statement and yet not feel guilty about the state of them by the end of the day. Woo-hoo.